Day 20, Frustration Builds

Well yesterday (the day after my fun cross country trip with Bill) was very frustrating. The day was long and I simmed for 4 hours in the FRASCA. I've always expected the most out of myself, with things like school, hockey, and especially when it comes to flying. Yesterday was just one of those days, when you feel all your hard work hasn't gotten you anywhere. After a good night's sleep I realize that's not the case but in the moment you certainly feel like "how could I do that".

Yesterday, as I mentioned, I flew 4 hours in the FRASCA sim and was conducting more instrument approaches. I was feeling really good about the cross country the evening before and felt like I was really getting precision approaches down. Well during my approaches yesterday Bill started failing things on me again. My first approach he failed my engine, I got a little off course on final but got her back on and landed. The frustration for myself started to build when I couldn't speak with Atlanta approach or tower fast enough to let them know what was going on... or if I did tell them about the emergency I'd forget something else b/c I was to busy focusing on the problem. Then Bill decided to "silently" cut one of my engines off. By silently I mean it wasn't as sudden as it has always been where your nose will swing to one side or the other depending on which engine you lost. This time I felt no difference with rudder pressure but could see that one of my Manifold Pressure needles was pegged to 0lb" I didn't understand that I had actually lost, or was slowly losing an engine because both RPM's were still reading 2300 RPM which is cruise. And in my mind if I had lost an engine 1) I would have felt it in my rudders right? 2) My manifold pressure shouldn't be reading 0 but outside pressure altitude right? Apparently not in all cases... I was so turned around with my engines and whether it was a true emergency or not that I had totally gotten off course and broke out of the clouds with no runway in sight. I didn't crash but I certainly didn't do my job. FLY FIRST. I was really really frustrated with myself for forgetting to FLY FIRST and a little with the simulated situation. Every dog has his day (whether good or bad) right? I kept flying after that after a little break. The next approach Bill failed my attitude indicator and I caught the error right away and was able to stay pretty well on track and landed no problem. Still in my mind it wasn't enough to turn around the thought in my mind of the previous approach which I busted completely. Later that day Bill saw I was frustrated and started to chuckle (he's a light hearted guy) He said, "you got to take it easy, man. Look, you remind me of myself when I was a student going through the program." I asked him "That's a good thing then right?" He said "Yeah... I busted my 'tail' when I was here... I always expected perfection from myself... I pushed myself to be the best pilot I could be. And that's what you do." I appreciated the compliment and agreed with his assessment. It's always nice to know, even when you screw up that your mentor/instructor realizes you're better than that and it happens to the best pilots. Better in the simulator than in the real plane. Bill told me I was further along than my flight partner Jerry and that my passion and dedication to do well here was showing with the instructors and the site manager. After a break we went back into the "box" and simmed for another hour. I left last night at 8PM... No one else was there.

The lesson for me, and for you future pilots, is summed up by this quote I found:
"I was never afraid of failure, for I would sooner fail than not be among the best."
John Keats